I don’t know if I already did one on anger and I don’t really care. I’m doing another one. Vile, Dark, Explosive, Shaking, Blood shot eyes and grinding teeth. Anger seething, raging, encompassing, engulfing, elevating, enlarging, destroying, atomic, breaking, smashing, crashing, anger. I am angry. Right now I am angry. Right now I want to smash walls, break glass, put my fist through wooden planks and cause a scene of destruction. Anger. I am so very angry. I was lied to. I was manipulated and used. I was made to believe I was something I was not. I was lead to believe I was special when I was nothing. Anger. I am so very very angry. Why? Why lie? Why did you not tell me the truth when I asked? Why did you not have the simple courtesy to be honest with me when it called for it? Why? Why me? Why do you have to break me? I’m already so broken, so worn down and tired of everything. I was doing better – I was patching myself together with duct tape and super glue and then you had to become the tool to make sure I break apart again. You. You who I trusted. You who I believed in. You are so very very twisted. You need help. My anger is seething but also confusing. I want to smash but i’m also just sad. The fire I had inside is now dissipating little by little in exchange for sorrow. Sorrow for myself and you and the other person who got fucked over because of all this. You are so sad I weep for you. You are so twisted I feel bad for you. You are broken. Broken beyond repair. Beyond salvation. You are nothing trying to become something and honestly the way you are now you will never be able to obtain that. I was also nothing trying to become something. I was also broken but I worked hard. I worked hard and am now becoming something. Not much of something but something none the less. I will not and can not have you take that away from me. Anger and sorrow turn into conviction.
I am strong.
I will survive. You will not break me. I am something. Even if that something is very little I am something. I am powerful. I will become something powerful. I am growing up, learning, making myself known. I am becoming whole. I will become whole. You will not destroy me with your tricks and games. I will overcome. I will survive. I will be nothing less than everything I can be. You will not impede me. You and your sad existence, your sorrowful nothingness. You will not taint me. I will not go back to being nothing. I refuse. I refuse to be nothing and much as I refuse to let you harm me. I am steel. I am rock. I am iron. I will not bend. I will not break. I will not faulter.
You have not won.
Even in my angry and sorrow do I wish you well. I hope one day you will grow tired of being nothing and try to become something. Something worth being.